Moments of Untapped Babysitting

I have a new role.

"Your new role is to manage a project from beginning to end."

Ok. Now we pretty much do this anyway but there used to be another person running the show internally. We worked together to manage both the whiny client and the coddled creative team. Sometimes you and your creative babysitter are besties. You make nice nice when you can, piss each other off when necessary and generally just keep the bullshit moving. And more often than not you worked around them, making deals with creative & studio and paying zero attention to the schedules lovingly created. They hate that. Like REALLY hate that. But the bottom line always ends up with keeping the bullshit moving.

I just heard that my internal creative babysitter used to make TO-DO lists for some of her creatives. REALLY?! Are you not a grown person who can handle their responsibilities? Christ almighty I may as well have kids - I see the ass-wiping question coming any day now.

There's nothing I love more than doing the job of two people. Except when it's the job of 3 people. Because why not? Who doesn't want to do 3X the amount of work and then NOT GET PAID FOR IT. My sup suffers from a pretty awful condition that has her laid up right now. Laid up to the tune of 4-6 weeks. It's scary shit. And as much as I wish I had some backup, she needs to rest and heal. I know that. My font boss knows that. Everyone knows that.

However ...

Does this prevent my sup from calling me and BOOKING THEIR PTO?! Why no. No it doesn't. Because when you are on medical leave why not book some more time off through your up-to-their-eyeballs-in-work minion? And no, it's not for surgery or some really important medical procedure. It's for a ticket - to Seattle. Because sup only had 2 days left to book the free ticket and couldn't I just open the calendar and put the time in? The rest will be worked out later.

Internet, I almost lost it. Thank God we spoke through chat rather than over the phone. Hand to God I would have hung up on her and promptly thrown myself out a window.

What was my original rant?

Ah, yes. My new role. My new role is now ICB (Internal Creative Babysitter) and MWC (Manages Whiny Client). Added to that whatever my sup was working on before her brain exploded (theatrical drama people - her head DID NOT explode). In addition to a new role for which I am in no way being compensated, there's also new software! It will replace emails! Angels sing whenever you open it! The Creative team will be responsible for checking it themselves! Insert record screech here....

Wednesday I spend 45 minutes sending out revisions to an ad through the ANGELS SINGING system.

Thursday morning- ping email from creative: What was I supposed to do to that headline?

Me: It's in the revisions I sent yesterday.

Creative: I didn't see any revisions

Me: I sent you an alert through the ANGLES SINGING software. Did you get it?

Creative: I have no idea.

ICB activated.

Tidbits of Untapped Bravery

Can someone please explain to me why changing printer toner is difficult? Further, adding paper to the EMPTY printer drawers ranks amongst one of the most difficult jobs EVER. A paper jam? CALL THE SECRET SERVICE.

My font boss called one of his underlings ACROSS THE AGENCY and asked him to print the agenda and then bring it to him. After I called him out he explained that the printer "is of the devil"

Really? You think Satan would bring us something that scans & emails in both color and b&w?

Interesting. (May I point out that this is someone entirely different from the person in my previous post. It's an epidemic)

So yesterday I was in our little cube that holds both the mamma-jamma copier/printer and the simple black & white LaserJet when I noticed that the b&w was running low. I opened the cabinet and pulled down the box of toner. And from behind me I hear,

"Oh you're going to try and change the printer toner? Girl you are BRAVE."

Is the printer going to attempt to block my attempt of changing it's toner with a battle cry and flying spears? Are there teeny snipers perched on the top most cabinet ready to fill me with teeny little bullets should I dare improve upon their master's printing ability?

Because if there is, our office service people don't get paid enough.

It's a printer. There are directions. When you READ them, you receive the SECRET KNOWLEDGE OF TONER.

Typical

I get this from someone in the building. As in... the same building I am currently sitting in:

Could you possibly bring me a hard copy of all most recent batch 1 and 2 comps?

Let me just point out that there are about 7 or 8 color printers on my side of the building ALONE. One of which, hilariously, is closer to their office than mine.

Apparently, their printer function is broken.

FML.

A quick rant then back to work ...

Competitive analysis is stupid, boring and fairly irrelevant.
This may have something to do with the fact that I suck so incredibly much at it.

Come on over to discuss. What I want you to note about what I've done is tied this FSI and the analysis of it back to issues we discussed internally. You've laid out observations but take it one step further and provide some commentary and analysis.

Shut up.

Really? Does anyone care? Nope. Will it change the ridiculous crap that our client wants to put in our FSIs? No. Will it effect their share? Or lower their churn? Nope. SURE THE FUCK WON'T.

OK. I am done with the competitive rant.

Your Font, Your Self

Let me be the first to say - I love fonts.
Ridiculous fonts. Clean fonts. Cursive-y fonts. All of 'em. Choosing my font in my IM window took quite a bit of time. And I hate GChat and Gmail just a bit because they do not give me the plethora of fonts I enjoy. See? Not kidding about loving fonts.

A while back I had myself a little chat with my account director. I love the use of that word - chat. Like a bit of conversation rather than a gentle ass-reaming. In my agency the word "chat" has many different tonal uses. Just assume the "chat" is going to be about something YOU did wrong and you're OK.

I digress...

I hadn't worked with my account director all that much. Fresh from two major account losses, he was ready to kick ass and take names. Frankly, I like him - then and now. Like any old guard there are quirks. But all in all, the job gets done and the client rejoices.

I struggled with getting thrown into the deep end with an anvil on my ankle and not a lick of swimming ability. The learning curve with zero training is much longer than one with some training. He talked to me about getting promoted, what I needed to do and generally was supportive, interested and helpful.
Then the conversation wrapped up as such:
Him (vehement): "I hate the purple"
Me (confused): "Um, what?"
Him (getting more agitated by the word): "The purple font. I HATE IT."
Me (still confused): "Ohhh-kay"
Him (aggresively inquisitive):"How do you feel about it? Obviously you CHOSE it, so you like it. But I have to tell you, I HATE IT."
Me (getting the picture):"Clearly. I can change it you know."
Him (going all account director on me):"I don't want to tell you what to do. I just want you to realize what your font is saying. I mean, when you send an email ALL I SEE is PURPLE. No one will take you seriously with purple font."

Let me interrupt this clearly heartfelt moment to say that I have a client that sends emails in text language. Fun bits such as Thx, u, ur IN BUSINESS EMAILS. But purple words complete with correct spelling and grammar causes shame and humiliation.

Me (annoyed and ready to get this over with): "Erm, OK. I WILL CHANGE IT."
Him (Now too into my Outlook choices): "What about your font? What does that font say in an email?"
Me (see status above): "Are you asking me what Arial Narrow says about me as a person? As an employee? As a representative of the Agency? WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ME ABOUT THE FUCKING FONT?!
Him (skeptical and generally hating every email I have ever sent): "Well does it come across how you would like to come across?"
Me (over. it.): "Let's see - it's not in random signs like webdings, people can read it, it's not Arabic." insert pause - "Yeah...no, I'm good."

Really? The font. Not the color (which yes, I changed), THE FONT. So glad we got to the important stuff.

No title, no travelling

It's been awhile. Truthfully putting advertising angst into words takes some time and a bit of oomph. And I haven't had much of either - time or oomph.

My position remains of the rock/hard place variety. Such is my lot in advertising life and I continually work to accept said lot. Although in the past month or so they have also taken on some of an administrative assistant quality. Not my most favorite part of this job. As a former admin, I can proudly say with absolute authority that I suck so horribly at being an admin. So horribly in fact that I don't have enough words to really drive this point home. Maybe it's because working for people who can do for themselves only they don't because why-the-hell-should-they makes me bonkers. As if I needed extra bonkers. Bonker card = full w/ waiting list.

But I digress. My fun and slightly annoying story of the day.

My online client has taken to calling me only when she cannot find my direct supervisor. Today she called me and the conversation went something like this:
Me: "Hi Client. How are you?"
Client: "Is your sup here today?"
Me: "No, I believe she heads out tomorrow."
Client: "Do you know when she will be arriving?"
Me: checking business card that clearly does not read Untapped Brilliance Travel Specialist
"Erm. I believe tomorrow evening. Sup will call you when out of the meeting they are currently in."
Client: "Are we still having that meeting @ 10am?"
Me: Check calendar and see I am not in said meeting so rather than sound like I have no idea what the hell they are talking about I reply: "Yes, I believe she just wants to touch base before said meeting since you were out on Friday"
Client: "Hmm, OK. Thanks Untapped."
Me: "Hey Client - I sent you like 12 emails on Friday, a few with super-important-exclamation points. Would you like me to send again so they are at the top of your inbox?"
Client: clearly bored by me and my non-useful answers "What? Yes, I saw the emails and attachments. Thank you. Good-bye"

Advertising. How can you not love it?